For many years, as a co-leader of youth group meetings in Chicago, I had the opportunity to meet with many engaged couples who went from taking part in this Christian environment to, in their married life, serving others with their experience, both in parishes and Church groups, as well as in their places of work. However, not all of them managed to pass through the trials of the engagement period. I remember one couple, very in love and inseparable, whose joy spread to others around them. Both took part in meetings, helping in whatever way they could. They radiated in their joyful enchantment.
I met with them pretty frequently, therefore, I was stunned to see sadness on the face of the young gentleman, who to my surprise told me that his girlfriend had left him. They separated in pain, because they ‘went too far’. They hurt each other. Too fascinated with their bodies, they left Their Creator off to the side, far from their relationship, and they allowed themselves to be taken over by destructive passions. The truth of the conscience cannot be hidden, it returns with the echo of the Gospel teachings. They were unable to uncover True Love together.
Engagement is a special gift from God. It is he who created in us ability to strongly experience falling in love. It is He who gave us feelings, emotions, and the ability to become fascinated with and desire the closeness of another person. All of that is His doing! However, this intensity, if directed in the wrong way, can be blinding. It is not right to accept a gift, but distance oneself from the Giver. Only in Him are there hidden Love and a guarantee of its growth and discovery. Engagement is an invitation to uncover what will be given to a truly loving heart!
If you have the intention of going on this journey together, prepare yourselves for many discoveries…
Before any journey, one has to sufficiently prepare for it. How much more should one prepare oneself for a journey of one’s whole life! There are certain requirements that must be fulfilled. God searches for those who will find themselves worthy of His true Gift. “Being in love’ is only a beautiful step that encourages one to prepare him or herself to set out on the waters of sacramental grace, in which both partners much learn to row in one direction – after Christ. He calls: Follow me! And His conditions are clear: “Those who are engaged to marry are called to live chastely in continence. They should see in this time of testing a discovery of mutual respect, an apprenticeship in fidelity, and the hope of receiving one another from God. They should reserve for marriage the expressions of affections that belong to married love. They will help each other grow in chastity.” (CCC 2350)
If they do not do so, they are putting their greatest calling in peril – the calling of one’s salvation. They may separate themselves from the Eternal Love, as:“His power, put to the proof, rebukes the foolhardy; Because into a soul that plots evil wisdom does not enter, nor does she swell in a body under debt of sin. For the Holy Spirit of discipline flees deceit and withdraws from senseless counsels and is rebuked with unrighteousness occurs.” (Wisdom 1: 3b-5)
Engaged couples must learn how to carry themselves with a special “spiritual astrolabe”, like sailors, passing through shoals of ideas, sailing from a feral world, mounds of temptations, behind which evil prowls, and worst of all, fighting the promptings of one’s own ego. This is not all simple and idyllic. It is a learning of acceptance of the daily cross, which is a tool used to chisel away pride and to teach trust in God. There is only one way to make all of this easier. It is safest when Christ boards the boat of life with you, the couple.
How to begin? By together inviting Christ into your engagement, so He can direct your steps in learning to sail. From meditative prayer, which allows both of you to discover your personal royal dignity: “But you are “a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people of his own, so that you may announce the praises” of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.” (1 Peter 2:9)
Such a beginning guarantees a safe start and a stable journey. The deeper you walk together, the more Christ will allow you to uncover the next step in the expansion of your love. And every one of those steps is a gift from Him.
Roman Harmata
